Plastic Hearts Don’t Bleed..

cropped-cropped-image.pngThey are people that walked into her life. And they left her broken. Making her believe that her life will never get better without them in it.

Little did she know that all she needed was herself to do better in life. And little do they know that when she forgives, she never forgets.

She is starting to believe that she’s okay when all she is now is broken. 

There is no such thing as perfection.

She hurts herself as she collects the pieces of her heart.

She seems like she’s full of life.

She said: “People will see exactly what you want them to see in you, but in the end the only person worth knowing you is yourself.”

 

StrANGER: YOU..

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I wish to hold your hand one more time. I wish to brush your hair one more time. Or maybe wash your face. I know you wouldn’t let me wash your face because I remember how you loved to do wudu two hours before fajr prayer. Or how you’d ask me every other hour if it’s time to pray yet.

One can only wish. 

I wish to remind you my name before eating breakfast. I miss how you’d refuse to eat before mother.

I miss how you used to ask about my morning. And just by looking at my face, you’d know if anything is up with me.

I’m sorry that I didn’t spend a lot of time with you. I was too busy thinking that we’d have all the time of the world and you’d get better. I thought we’d make up for all the years.

I’m mad at myself that I don’t have stories about you. The only thing I can clean and maybe wash now is your shoes.

As I look at the scuff marks on your shoes. I wonder how the world treated you. If it was good to you.

May God have mercy on you.

StrANGER..

She feel like she is drowning.

She is angry, and at same time she is afraid. Times have changed.
Every morning, she wake up, and make up her face just to go through the day and just to feel like old days. She is indeed grateful for those around her, but she is feeling somewhat empty. Wondering if it will get better.

They tell her that she needs to be strong.

Easier said than done. 

They tell her it will get better, but its been so hard that she can’t even lift herself up.

One of the things that she is loved for is making those around her feel better about themselves. By showing them kindness.

Time heals all wounds 

Thoughts..

Growing up I cared so much about what people think of me. I was afraid of failure. I think I have failed too many times in life.

I don’t think I would say this four or five years back, but I am so thankful for being betrayed, heart broken and belittled.

God blessed me with people that pick me up when I feel low. Friends who are family and family who are my other half.

I’m truly blessed to say that I have walked into some flames in life. While I felt like I was getting burned for trying to do better, and be better.

As humans we do not know what is good for us. We are just too busy looking at the little things that hurt us. For example, when we eat healthy, we don’t eat such colorful foods with lots of sweets, carbs and salt.

We eat the foods with no taste, some dry, and some with strange smells. Do we care about how the food look? No, we don’t as long as we know that it is good for our body and how it will make us feel. We take it in.

When you put your trust in God and you are grateful for what you have. You will find true happiness. Do not let your success/ failure be the surface of you being happy and mentally healthy. 

Avoidance Coping..

I hope it’s not happening all over again.

I walked into his room today, but today I couldn’t stand myself. We used to laugh, hug, massage his hands and brush his hair with my fingers. And he’d ask about my day and I’d tell him in detail; from Fajr (dawn) prayer to sunset.

Today I asked him how he’s doing and his response was something like “you know, things changed. I’m not doing so good. God knows best.”

He enjoy telling us stories. And giving us orders. Even though he can’t move around much, he’d tell us to do things. Read a book, or get twenty-one questioned by him for not doing what you’re supposed to.

Today, he let me talk about my life, as if I’m introducing myself to him. He was smiling, but I can see in his eyes that he cannot remember me. So he asked about his daughters and the smart man he is, he asked me to name them one by one so he can find out which one of his daughters I am.

Allah is the best of planner.

I know I’m not who I was a year ago. I used to complain and I couldn’t stand myself for everything that was happening. I realized that this time it is a gift. Allah blessed me with the ability to cope.

I know I will break here and there, but it is not how it used to me. He trust me more than ever. He may not remember me, but he knows my smile, tight hugs, and my long boring stories.

Be grateful for the people in your life.

Be grateful and God will increase it for you.

When We Fall..

He grew up in a small town on the countryside.

Where there is no access to education. He wanted to make something out of his life so he could provide for his mother and younger siblings.

At the age of eight, he left behind his mother and took the bus to the city where he started working as a fisherman. People say that he is too mature for his age, but his end goal in life is to be better than the person he was yesterday. Since you can’t do much about the past.

If one takes care of their parents and provide for their family, that is a blessing itself.

In his late thirties , he got married, graduated from university. And God blessed him with a big family. He is more like a alpha male. He is a respected man. He got used taking care of others to the point that he knows nothing of whats good for him.

After three decades, he is a grandfather now. He has nothing to regret of. Which is kinda scary. He never talks about his mistakes.

He is turning sixty-nine soon. For sixty years of his life, people loved him because he helped them, and he could walk on his own.

And now with age, and illness, he can’t think straight. He gets tired and irritated every other hour of the day.

Do people really got us when we fall ill and old? And when we cannot wake up on our own? Will they call us when they don’t hear from us?

Mankind wants you around only when you’re benefiting from. 

Can You See Me Now.. ?

Ma can you see me now? 

Not everything you hear from other is the truth. There are two sides to every story.

I have dreamed a life with you that is so beautiful. I would describe it as the light of the moon.

Those days with you, I can’t seem to catch my breathe. It is probably all the laughter, and jokes with you. Nevertheless, those days I wish it not to end, ends sooner than expected.

As soon as you let others come between us. We are like a broken mirror.

For years, I worked on myself, to be better than the hundred sunsets that I have wasted.

There are days I wish for tomorrow not come because It was just you & I. No drama, I’m not a young child no more, no need to hear my voice from others. Please accept me for who I am. For everything you want to know about me, please ask me. I don’t like how you ask about me. And all they tell you is how I used to be growing up. I’m not a that person.

I thought about giving up on myself, if it was my choice, I’d be nothing like who I am now.

I am grateful that Allah gave me the ability

to see myself through the broken mirror.

 Mirrors don’t lie.