E[miRRORS] In Her Thoughts

Short story about a beautiful stranger:

She is not who she used to be. Is it because she is tired of letting in. Change is good they say, but that is not the case for her. She is the opposite of what change is supposed to be. Change should make one happy not angry and emotional roller coaster. She is not known for who she is, but she is known for who people want her to be. And people still question about why she wants to change. She is lost in her own shadow.

Drowning in her own thoughts.

She is fighting off the idea of her failing. She seems happy every waken day. Deep down she is suffering.

She is suffering from wanting to not want. She is suffering from proving herself to those that could careless about her.

She gets lost in her thoughts talking her way out of the things that she actually deserve. When an opportunity knocks on the door she will do whatever it takes to not bring it into her life.

Smiles were made to share, but she only smiles to get by…

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Plastic Hearts Don’t Bleed..

cropped-cropped-image.pngThey are people that walked into her life. And they left her broken. Making her believe that her life will never get better without them in it.

Little did she know that all she needed was herself to do better in life. And little do they know that when she forgives, she never forgets.

She is starting to believe that she’s okay when all she is now is broken. 

There is no such thing as perfection.

She hurts herself as she collects the pieces of her heart.

She seems like she’s full of life.

She said: “People will see exactly what you want them to see in you, but in the end the only person worth knowing you is yourself.”

 

Ideal P[ART]ner..

We are so focused on who we want to be with than who we want to become as a person.

We are so lost with the idea of being loved and falling in love. Being married and having to be with someone who makes us happy.

To start with, do we ever stop for a minute and wonder if we are who we want to be with? That perfect someone.

When we are asked about our ideal partner, we become the shallowest of them all.

Why seek perfection when you’re made to be imperfect?

We are so lost with the numbers from 0-10.

Remember when looking for an ideal partner, it’s not about making the perfect type of ART. It’s beyond that.

Learn to live your life alone without rushing to creating one with another being.

BROKEN..

To Him we belong and to Him we shall all return to.

My father returned to his Creator; a night that I will never forget. May Allah have mercy on him.  He returned to his Lord Just like the people before him.

When we return to our Creator. May He have mercy on our souls.

 People been asking me “how I’m holding up, or just checking on me too see if I’m okay.” I’m not going to lie I feel broken physically and emotionally.

I wish that I took my time with him. Even though I was there holding him as he took his last breath. I wish I didn’t rush out of the door when late from work & school. I wish to hear his voice one more time asking about my day. One can only wish right?

The lessons that this great man taught me will forever be with me.

He was in bed rest for months and not a day did he complain about being in pain. In the morning he’d ask me if I ate and he would not eat his breakfast before my mother.

“Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.” (Quran: 13:28)

If my father is not talking, sleeping, or eating. He did his dhikr (remembrance of Allah). Not a day did I see him not praising Allah. All praise is due to Allah.

May Allah soften our hearts. May Allah shower us with mercy.

Allahuma Aameen.

Regretting..

Speak up if must. Cry, be angry, but do not make a life out of that. Do not be that person who need to make excuses in life to just get by.

Be a survivor, not a victim.

Just the other day I received the most heart breaking story. Things are not getting any easier on my end. My father is not getting any better; Allah knows best. I cried for hours, but I thought to myself “life is not always going to stay the same.” The young will become old. The fast will slow down in the end. It is not that I’m in denial, but I regret for not making enough time for him.

As soon as my father got sick, I was forced to grow up and take responsibilities. With The Mercy of God, I had the ability to not make excuses for myself and get up each and everyday and be there for my parents. Also I was granted with another day to make change in the world that I live in.

People ask me why I smile like a crazy person. If my father and the hundred other people in hospital beds can put a beautiful smile on their face and not complain one bit then I’d be ungrateful human being if I cannot manage to smile.

12/22/2016: 1:00pm

I told my father that he is beautiful just to see how he reacts, he smiled and said “you’re more beautiful than I.”

And sometimes I regret that I woke up too late.

My point is regretting is part of making a change.

Acceptance..

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Bismillah (In the name of Allah).

Although I feel like I’m breaking into pieces right now. Somehow I make it through the day. I’m slowly, becoming something I never thought I’d be. And I’m starting to like the new me.

Never underestimate the power of prayer.

The things that used to make me cry are the very things that encourage me to do better in life. To help others that are going through hardship. I know health will not forever last. Death does not discriminate against age, gender, religion, status and etc..

It is so hard for us to accept life for what it is all about. As humans, we are afraid of the unknown. The people we surround ourselves can make us or break us. People will listen, help only for certain amount of time. We must be grateful to have them around anyway.

To have a healthy life and relationships with those that are close to you, you must cut off toxic people. Do not cut them out of your life, but protect your heart from such people.

Whenever you feel like you don’t have enough in life or even when you feel like you are all alone through the hardship. Think about those that are grateful for what they have in life.

  • The blind man who’s in love with a stranger. The boy with no legs, but can outrun you any day. The girl who’s being bullied all through her school life is still spreading love to the world day in and day out.

I know I always talk about GRATITUDE, but I feel like being patient and being grateful go hand in hand. Nevertheless, our minds react to what is in our hearts. Just like when we eat, our stomach tell the brain that it is full. Being optimistic does not make you a crazy person. You’re just facing life with smiles. And praying for the better.

  • God created you and he is your provider. Be grateful and do as much as you can. He never burden us for what we cannot bare.