StrANGER: YOU..

IMG_2299

I wish to hold your hand one more time. I wish to brush your hair one more time. Or maybe wash your face. I know you wouldn’t let me wash your face because I remember how you loved to do wudu two hours before fajr prayer. Or how you’d ask me every other hour if it’s time to pray yet.

One can only wish. 

I wish to remind you my name before eating breakfast. I miss how you’d refuse to eat before mother.

I miss how you used to ask about my morning. And just by looking at my face, you’d know if anything is up with me.

I’m sorry that I didn’t spend a lot of time with you. I was too busy thinking that we’d have all the time of the world and you’d get better. I thought we’d make up for all the years.

I’m mad at myself that I don’t have stories about you. The only thing I can clean and maybe wash now is your shoes.

As I look at the scuff marks on your shoes. I wonder how the world treated you. If it was good to you.

May God have mercy on you.

StrANGER..

She feel like she is drowning.

She is angry, and at same time she is afraid. Times have changed.
Every morning, she wake up, and make up her face just to go through the day and just to feel like old days. She is indeed grateful for those around her, but she is feeling somewhat empty. Wondering if it will get better.

They tell her that she needs to be strong.

Easier said than done. 

They tell her it will get better, but its been so hard that she can’t even lift herself up.

One of the things that she is loved for is making those around her feel better about themselves. By showing them kindness.

Time heals all wounds 

Feels..

Self-criticism is one of her best characteristics.

At times she shows her weakness, though she try hard to be bubble and full of life. She is struggling. Those that are close to her know that she changed. They can see it in her eyes that she hit so low that she believes there is no way for her to come up again.

We all have our own way of dealing with struggles. Especially when the storm of hardship hit us, we want those close to us to be our backbone. By at least reminding us that we are not alone in such position.

If need to cry out loud, do it! 

However, there is nothing GREATER than the help of God. By praying to him, even when you feel like you are broken. Never underestimate the power of prayer.

In addition, this is something for each and one of us to think about. Do we praise God when life is looking up for us? We are not aware that we are being tested with life,  when there is no hardship. We are being tested with the less fortunate. How we treat them. And if we help them.

To end with, remember we want to surround ourself with people, but we do not need them for us to find ourself. I’m not saying it is humanly possible to never surround ourselves with others, but can we let our characters be defined by the people we surround ourselves with? No. It need to be balanced or we will break.

This life is about making the best out of it.

Thoughts..

Growing up I cared so much about what people think of me. I was afraid of failure. I think I have failed too many times in life.

I don’t think I would say this four or five years back, but I am so thankful for being betrayed, heart broken and belittled.

God blessed me with people that pick me up when I feel low. Friends who are family and family who are my other half.

I’m truly blessed to say that I have walked into some flames in life. While I felt like I was getting burned for trying to do better, and be better.

As humans we do not know what is good for us. We are just too busy looking at the little things that hurt us. For example, when we eat healthy, we don’t eat such colorful foods with lots of sweets, carbs and salt.

We eat the foods with no taste, some dry, and some with strange smells. Do we care about how the food look? No, we don’t as long as we know that it is good for our body and how it will make us feel. We take it in.

When you put your trust in God and you are grateful for what you have. You will find true happiness. Do not let your success/ failure be the surface of you being happy and mentally healthy.