WORTH

Be good to yourself.

If you do not know yourself enough to stand up for yourself, someone else will tell you where you belong and they will use it for their own good. Self-awareness is very important. The people you let in your life will tell you who you are and it is up to you to teach about yourself. You don’t want to end up lost in between finding about your true self. Write your story with your own pen. When you let others write your life story and the ink dries there’s no going back.

 ALWAYS have control of what can and cannot break you.

Humans may speak many languages, but kindness is one that is understood by all mankind.

What you feed your mind is just as important as what you feed your body.

Remember, when one knows their worth there is no way that they will take bullsh*t from anyone.

Don’t be hard on yourself, but always appreciate for the good and apologize when you do wrong.

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StrANGER: YOU..

I wish to hold your hand one more time. I wish to brush your hair one more time. Or maybe wash your face. I know you wouldn’t let me wash your face because I remember how you loved to do wudu two hours before fajr prayer. Or how you’d ask me every other hour if it’s time to pray yet.

One can only wish. 

I wish to remind you my name before eating breakfast. I miss how you’d refuse to eat before mother.

I miss how you used to ask about my morning. And just by looking at my face, you’d know if anything is up with me.

I’m sorry that I didn’t spend a lot of time with you. I was too busy thinking that we’d have all the time of the world and you’d get better. I thought we’d make up for all the years.

I’m mad at myself that I don’t have stories about you. The only thing I can clean and maybe wash now is your shoes.

As I look at the scuff marks on your shoes. I wonder how the world treated you. If it was good to you.

May God have mercy on you.

StrANGER..

She feel like she is drowning.

She is angry, and at same time she is afraid. Times have changed.
Every morning, she wake up, and make up her face just to go through the day and just to feel like old days. She is indeed grateful for those around her, but she is feeling somewhat empty. Wondering if it will get better.

They tell her that she needs to be strong.

Easier said than done. 

They tell her it will get better, but its been so hard that she can’t even lift herself up.

One of the things that she is loved for is making those around her feel better about themselves. By showing them kindness.

Time heals all wounds 

Thoughts..

Growing up I cared so much about what people think of me. I was afraid of failure. I think I have failed too many times in life.

I don’t think I would say this four or five years back, but I am so thankful for being betrayed, heart broken and belittled.

God blessed me with people that pick me up when I feel low. Friends who are family and family who are my other half.

I’m truly blessed to say that I have walked into some flames in life. While I felt like I was getting burned for trying to do better, and be better.

As humans we do not know what is good for us. We are just too busy looking at the little things that hurt us. For example, when we eat healthy, we don’t eat such colorful foods with lots of sweets, carbs and salt.

We eat the foods with no taste, some dry, and some with strange smells. Do we care about how the food look? No, we don’t as long as we know that it is good for our body and how it will make us feel. We take it in.

When you put your trust in God and you are grateful for what you have. You will find true happiness. Do not let your success/ failure be the surface of you being happy and mentally healthy. 

BROKEN..

To Him we belong and to Him we shall all return to.

My father returned to his Creator; a night that I will never forget. May Allah have mercy on him.  He returned to his Lord Just like the people before him.

When we return to our Creator. May He have mercy on our souls.

 People been asking me “how I’m holding up, or just checking on me too see if I’m okay.” I’m not going to lie I feel broken physically and emotionally.

I wish that I took my time with him. Even though I was there holding him as he took his last breath. I wish I didn’t rush out of the door when late from work & school. I wish to hear his voice one more time asking about my day. One can only wish right?

The lessons that this great man taught me will forever be with me.

He was in bed rest for months and not a day did he complain about being in pain. In the morning he’d ask me if I ate and he would not eat his breakfast before my mother.

“Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.” (Quran: 13:28)

If my father is not talking, sleeping, or eating. He did his dhikr (remembrance of Allah). Not a day did I see him not praising Allah. All praise is due to Allah.

May Allah soften our hearts. May Allah shower us with mercy.

Allahuma Aameen.

Regretting..

Speak up if must. Cry, be angry, but do not make a life out of that. Do not be that person who need to make excuses in life to just get by.

Be a survivor, not a victim.

Just the other day I received the most heart breaking story. Things are not getting any easier on my end. My father is not getting any better; Allah knows best. I cried for hours, but I thought to myself “life is not always going to stay the same.” The young will become old. The fast will slow down in the end. It is not that I’m in denial, but I regret for not making enough time for him.

As soon as my father got sick, I was forced to grow up and take responsibilities. With The Mercy of God, I had the ability to not make excuses for myself and get up each and everyday and be there for my parents. Also I was granted with another day to make change in the world that I live in.

People ask me why I smile like a crazy person. If my father and the hundred other people in hospital beds can put a beautiful smile on their face and not complain one bit then I’d be ungrateful human being if I cannot manage to smile.

12/22/2016: 1:00pm

I told my father that he is beautiful just to see how he reacts, he smiled and said “you’re more beautiful than I.”

And sometimes I regret that I woke up too late.

My point is regretting is part of making a change.

Acceptance..

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Bismillah (In the name of Allah).

Although I feel like I’m breaking into pieces right now. Somehow I make it through the day. I’m slowly, becoming something I never thought I’d be. And I’m starting to like the new me.

Never underestimate the power of prayer.

The things that used to make me cry are the very things that encourage me to do better in life. To help others that are going through hardship. I know health will not forever last. Death does not discriminate against age, gender, religion, status and etc..

It is so hard for us to accept life for what it is all about. As humans, we are afraid of the unknown. The people we surround ourselves can make us or break us. People will listen, help only for certain amount of time. We must be grateful to have them around anyway.

To have a healthy life and relationships with those that are close to you, you must cut off toxic people. Do not cut them out of your life, but protect your heart from such people.

Whenever you feel like you don’t have enough in life or even when you feel like you are all alone through the hardship. Think about those that are grateful for what they have in life.

  • The blind man who’s in love with a stranger. The boy with no legs, but can outrun you any day. The girl who’s being bullied all through her school life is still spreading love to the world day in and day out.

I know I always talk about GRATITUDE, but I feel like being patient and being grateful go hand in hand. Nevertheless, our minds react to what is in our hearts. Just like when we eat, our stomach tell the brain that it is full. Being optimistic does not make you a crazy person. You’re just facing life with smiles. And praying for the better.

  • God created you and he is your provider. Be grateful and do as much as you can. He never burden us for what we cannot bare.