StrANGER: YOU..

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I wish to hold your hand one more time. I wish to brush your hair one more time. Or maybe wash your face. I know you wouldn’t let me wash your face because I remember how you loved to do wudu two hours before fajr prayer. Or how you’d ask me every other hour if it’s time to pray yet.

One can only wish. 

I wish to remind you my name before eating breakfast. I miss how you’d refuse to eat before mother.

I miss how you used to ask about my morning. And just by looking at my face, you’d know if anything is up with me.

I’m sorry that I didn’t spend a lot of time with you. I was too busy thinking that we’d have all the time of the world and you’d get better. I thought we’d make up for all the years.

I’m mad at myself that I don’t have stories about you. The only thing I can clean and maybe wash now is your shoes.

As I look at the scuff marks on your shoes. I wonder how the world treated you. If it was good to you.

May God have mercy on you.

BROKEN..

To Him we belong and to Him we shall all return to.

My father returned to his Creator; a night that I will never forget. May Allah have mercy on him.  He returned to his Lord Just like the people before him.

When we return to our Creator. May He have mercy on our souls.

 People been asking me “how I’m holding up, or just checking on me too see if I’m okay.” I’m not going to lie I feel broken physically and emotionally.

I wish that I took my time with him. Even though I was there holding him as he took his last breath. I wish I didn’t rush out of the door when late from work & school. I wish to hear his voice one more time asking about my day. One can only wish right?

The lessons that this great man taught me will forever be with me.

He was in bed rest for months and not a day did he complain about being in pain. In the morning he’d ask me if I ate and he would not eat his breakfast before my mother.

“Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.” (Quran: 13:28)

If my father is not talking, sleeping, or eating. He did his dhikr (remembrance of Allah). Not a day did I see him not praising Allah. All praise is due to Allah.

May Allah soften our hearts. May Allah shower us with mercy.

Allahuma Aameen.

Gratitude..

Bismillah (In the name of Allah).

Allah blessed us with the ability to think, to respond and to see. To put the brain to use. No one can develop without a brain. The brain and the heart are connected.

Yes, things are hard now, you feel like you can’t have it your way. What about those that wish to have your life for the way it is? Like how you complain about your life. They see nothing, but perfection.

Be grateful, and Allah will increase it for you. You’re wishing that you’d have the new car, the new bling and the new iPhone. As if that will be something you’ll take with you; when your time comes. You’re worrying so much about how the new iPhone is water resistant, but can you imagine you being blind. Waking up day in and out with no eye sight. Will you then be more grateful If you’re not grateful now?

It’s okay to cry and to break, but what’s so important is what you do with yourself afterwards.

Let’s be realistic about death for a minute. I used to be worried about what will happen to my father after his  procedures, everyone thought his time was near.

Only Allah knows when our time will come. Nevertheless, his close friend passed away (may Allah have mercy on his soul), he was one of the people telling my father about his terminal illness. After his death, I came to realization that death does not discriminate against age, race, illness, status, and etc…

I knew that my whole life, but when it’s someone you’re close to, you take it other-wards.

To sum up, having gratitude is part of being patient. When something is taken away from you, such as materialistic things, it means it was never yours.

When you can’t marry the person you think is perfect for you. When things are tight on your end, when you’re going through grieve. It’s okay to cry out loud, but don’t let these changes change your Iimaam (faith).

Make sure it doesn’t change your heart.

And also when you don’t get the other things you’ve been praying about. Make sure to ask yourself why you’re blessed with shelter, food, and people who care for you.

The mirror shows you exactly what you want to see. How you look at things is very important.