Plastic Hearts Don’t Bleed..

cropped-cropped-image.pngThey are people that walked into her life. And they left her broken. Making her believe that her life will never get better without them in it.

Little did she know that all she needed was herself to do better in life. And little do they know that when she forgives, she never forgets.

She is starting to believe that she’s okay when all she is now is broken. 

There is no such thing as perfection.

She hurts herself as she collects the pieces of her heart.

She seems like she’s full of life.

She said: “People will see exactly what you want them to see in you, but in the end the only person worth knowing you is yourself.”

 

StrANGER: YOU..

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I wish to hold your hand one more time. I wish to brush your hair one more time. Or maybe wash your face. I know you wouldn’t let me wash your face because I remember how you loved to do wudu two hours before fajr prayer. Or how you’d ask me every other hour if it’s time to pray yet.

One can only wish. 

I wish to remind you my name before eating breakfast. I miss how you’d refuse to eat before mother.

I miss how you used to ask about my morning. And just by looking at my face, you’d know if anything is up with me.

I’m sorry that I didn’t spend a lot of time with you. I was too busy thinking that we’d have all the time of the world and you’d get better. I thought we’d make up for all the years.

I’m mad at myself that I don’t have stories about you. The only thing I can clean and maybe wash now is your shoes.

As I look at the scuff marks on your shoes. I wonder how the world treated you. If it was good to you.

May God have mercy on you.

StrANGER..

She feel like she is drowning.

She is angry, and at same time she is afraid. Times have changed.
Every morning, she wake up, and make up her face just to go through the day and just to feel like old days. She is indeed grateful for those around her, but she is feeling somewhat empty. Wondering if it will get better.

They tell her that she needs to be strong.

Easier said than done. 

They tell her it will get better, but its been so hard that she can’t even lift herself up.

One of the things that she is loved for is making those around her feel better about themselves. By showing them kindness.

Time heals all wounds 

Feels..

Self-criticism is one of her best characteristics.

At times she shows her weakness, though she try hard to be bubble and full of life. She is struggling. Those that are close to her know that she changed. They can see it in her eyes that she hit so low that she believes there is no way for her to come up again.

We all have our own way of dealing with struggles. Especially when the storm of hardship hit us, we want those close to us to be our backbone. By at least reminding us that we are not alone in such position.

If need to cry out loud, do it! 

However, there is nothing GREATER than the help of God. By praying to him, even when you feel like you are broken. Never underestimate the power of prayer.

In addition, this is something for each and one of us to think about. Do we praise God when life is looking up for us? We are not aware that we are being tested with life,  when there is no hardship. We are being tested with the less fortunate. How we treat them. And if we help them.

To end with, remember we want to surround ourself with people, but we do not need them for us to find ourself. I’m not saying it is humanly possible to never surround ourselves with others, but can we let our characters be defined by the people we surround ourselves with? No. It need to be balanced or we will break.

This life is about making the best out of it.

Ideal P[ART]ner..

We are so focused on who we want to be with than who we want to become as a person.

We are so lost with the idea of being loved and falling in love. Being married and having to be with someone who makes us happy.

To start with, do we ever stop for a minute and wonder if we are who we want to be with? That perfect someone.

When we are asked about our ideal partner, we become the shallowest of them all.

Why seek perfection when you’re made to be imperfect?

We are so lost with the numbers from 0-10.

Remember when looking for an ideal partner, it’s not about making the perfect type of ART. It’s beyond that.

Learn to live your life alone without rushing to creating one with another being.

Thoughts..

Growing up I cared so much about what people think of me. I was afraid of failure. I think I have failed too many times in life.

I don’t think I would say this four or five years back, but I am so thankful for being betrayed, heart broken and belittled.

God blessed me with people that pick me up when I feel low. Friends who are family and family who are my other half.

I’m truly blessed to say that I have walked into some flames in life. While I felt like I was getting burned for trying to do better, and be better.

As humans we do not know what is good for us. We are just too busy looking at the little things that hurt us. For example, when we eat healthy, we don’t eat such colorful foods with lots of sweets, carbs and salt.

We eat the foods with no taste, some dry, and some with strange smells. Do we care about how the food look? No, we don’t as long as we know that it is good for our body and how it will make us feel. We take it in.

When you put your trust in God and you are grateful for what you have. You will find true happiness. Do not let your success/ failure be the surface of you being happy and mentally healthy. 

BROKEN..

To Him we belong and to Him we shall all return to.

My father returned to his Creator; a night that I will never forget. May Allah have mercy on him.  He returned to his Lord Just like the people before him.

When we return to our Creator. May He have mercy on our souls.

 People been asking me “how I’m holding up, or just checking on me too see if I’m okay.” I’m not going to lie I feel broken physically and emotionally.

I wish that I took my time with him. Even though I was there holding him as he took his last breath. I wish I didn’t rush out of the door when late from work & school. I wish to hear his voice one more time asking about my day. One can only wish right?

The lessons that this great man taught me will forever be with me.

He was in bed rest for months and not a day did he complain about being in pain. In the morning he’d ask me if I ate and he would not eat his breakfast before my mother.

“Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest.” (Quran: 13:28)

If my father is not talking, sleeping, or eating. He did his dhikr (remembrance of Allah). Not a day did I see him not praising Allah. All praise is due to Allah.

May Allah soften our hearts. May Allah shower us with mercy.

Allahuma Aameen.